How to survive the British

I think it is now an appropriate time for the mysterious second owner to make an appearance on this newly launched blog. Thanks are due, to my literary partner(currently in Norway on holiday for a couple of years) for taking the initiative and transferring this blog from our imaginations to the virtual world.

I have just found my way back home after a trip to the British Isles and have decided to share my recently gained knowledge on how to survive in England, for your benefit. To make easy reading I have posted the following in bullet points.

• Talk about the weather.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you are introduced to a Britisher and then left alone, do not panic if you have nothing to say. Look out of the window and gaze at the sky with a contemplative expression. Rub your chin if necessary. Then say "Hmmm, looks like it might turn to rain soon." Your companion's eyes will immediately sparkle and there will follow a lengthy and informative discourse on the climatic conditions of the area for the past eight weeks. At the end of it, you will find yourself being showered with invitiations to the pub and would have made a friend for life.

• Never accept a compliment gracefully.

If your British boss praises your work, never take credit for it. Become embarrassed, shuffle your feet, turn red in the face and look at the floor. Say it was nothing, cite the circumstances being extremely favourable and play down your achievement. This will please him immensley and you will soon be first in line for that promotion.

• Talk about the Empire benefitting your nation.

Say this in a tone of admiration"Oh British rule was the best thing that could ever have happened to our country. Of course, all our money drained to Britain, our industries died, people were killed and the Kohinoor diamond was stolen. But does all that really matter when the British gave us railways? What an amazing country!" Before you know it, you will be plied with beer and surrounded by friendly English faces nodding and smiling in agreement.

• Comment on how expensive things are in England.

Verbally abuse the government in power and blame it for the high cost of living in the country. Then hold your audience spellbound with tales of how cheap things are in India. Exaggerate as much as possible. "I can't believe this pair of shoes costs 50 pounds. In India three pairs will only cost me 7 pence" Their wonder and amazement will be a constant source of merriment and entertainment for the remainder of your stay.

• Make fun of the French.

Make up jokes involving the French President/ football team/rugby team/citizens/landmarks/language/cities/appearance/etc. This will elevate you to iconic status amongst your British peers.

Upon religiously following the above guidelines you will find yourself much liked and extremely popular with your British colleagues and will have an exceedingly pleasant stay.

Until next time, Cheerio.

Not a myth

What is not a myth, however, is beauty that can make you want to cry. Norway more than makes up for its lack of people with the sheer beauty of its landscape!

The bus stops on the only road of the smallest village I have seen till now. Getting down to stretch my legs, I am arrested on the first step by what greets me. Towering black cliffs on three sides, all capped with snow, looking for all the world like giant slides and the village behind me, nestled snugly in the lap of these sky-scraping columns of stratified stone. I am amazed speechless by the tenacity of our species. I don't know whether to feel humbled, in front of these millenia old Goliaths, or to feel proud that we have made them our homes! A short walk is, naturally, the first thing we set off on. Around the houses and into the woods...across paved roads - We're in the middle of nowhere, and they have brightly painted pedestrian crossings!! We finally emerge out onto a river, the natural limit of the village. It curves around a bend, gurgling along patiently to a far away sea, lapping at the feet of its mother. Beautiful is an understatement. Time, however is merciless, and we have to get back...10 minutes in this place, and I am already unable to let it go!

A narrow road makes its tortuous way between monstrous cliffs...until it suddenly bursts out into the open - gentle, sprawling meadows, with sheep, cattle and horses basking in the sun, feeding away without a care in the world, except the present moment. Idyllic. Utopian. Summer cabins nestle amongst the trees higher up the slopes, adding the final touch to an already complete picture!

Thats when I learn that all is not as perfect as it appears. There is always the flip side of the coin. Unpredictable weather, and warming have delayed the snow this winter...forcing the locals to prepare artificial snow for the skiing season...a small, but sure sign of the damage we inevitably inflict on our surroundings, and ourselves. The picture shatters, but the shards remain...the memory remains!

Why??

I once told Achoo the part-owner, currently in-absentia, of this blog that I had a friend called X (damn privacy restrictions!) and he asked, "Why is he?"

That, precisely is the question you may ask of this blog. Why is it?

A very good question...meaning, it's tough to answer! The crux of it is that we were both struck by a sudden, inexplicable urge to give a certain movie protagonist a Tamil name...

If you haven't guessed by now, the privileged character was none other than Captain JACK-SPARROW! :D

We were so stupefied by our ingenuity that we decided to immortalise it in the form of this blog.

Hopefully, immortality is not a myth. Our ingenuity is certainly not.